Living in the shadow of Joe's Blog... its funny meeting people at the camp that know more about me and my family than I do! Well, now it's mom, holly, gweester, and yes, the infamous Joe's Wife turn to let it all out, here goes
About me:
I am a mom- and although Otis (my oldest) is now 2 years, 1month and 18 days old I still consider myself a NEW mom. It is so true what that lovely woman told me in the parking lot of Trader Joe's (as I struggled to convince the blond ringlets of Otis' hard head that it was time to go home)
"don't worry dear" she said, "once you get it figured out, they just come up with the new twist for you to manage your way through."
deep inside I began to scream...
I went to school for this! I knew since I was born (so mom says) that I wanted to be a teacher. I've got what most people (like my husband) would call an empathy PROBLEM. I am so in tune with the people and energies around me that I am a complete space cadet and distracted by the "unknown forces" for the majority of my being- but this girl can flip a distraught, 10min-into-a-tantrum child, into a laughing carefree "super helper" in a blink of an eye- ah the agony of defeat has brought this mommy to her knees. The reality is, I AM NO LONGER THE EDUCATOR, BABYSITTER, CARE-GIVER, no no my friends. It is a role no one can explain, the vortex of power, stamina (no, minutes don't "roll over" on the mommy plan), wit, cleverness, rage, childish, pout, bribery, cuddles, kisses and giggles that absolutely engulfs you when you are the mommy. Not to mention losing every inkling of self, sexuality, style and charisma beyond blowing bubbles with your spit! On occasion your partner may catch you just as you begin to frantically paddle on the up curve of bellying up. But you just take a big breath and dive right back in.
So with this uncanny match of in tune-ness and the lifelong pursuit of child psychology unfolded.... I slam down from the clouds onto the reality of motherhood.... i am no longer in charge.
But as each day passes, I let go a little bit more. As each day passes I reach out and turn the director switch down a notch or two. As each day passes I learn to just sit back and listen to my beautiful boys as they show me how to live IN the moment. As each day passes I understand that THIS is life and I'm loving it! I couldn't be luckier, and I mean it.
